his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I wish you could order shots online.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
