So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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