dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
