thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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