That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
