Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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