her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize