whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
