don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
please come you make the beer taste better
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
