I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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