mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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