I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
