I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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