I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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