woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
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