OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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