I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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