she was so not down for the gang bang
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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