Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize