So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
