On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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