i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
