My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
