I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
