wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We left the knife in your bed.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
