I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
