she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize