I cannot find my penis.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
