I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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