Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Randomize