I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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