hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize