She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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