Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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