So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize