I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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