last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize