its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize