i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
