Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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