I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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