Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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