I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
