a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
