just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
