It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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