Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
