I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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