I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
