I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize