Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Randomize
