i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
