just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
