the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
