I cannot find my penis.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
