I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
