fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
