what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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