Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
dude. I can hear the air.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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