idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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