Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
