so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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