So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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