I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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