yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize