I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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