Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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