after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize