Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
