You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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