so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
